Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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