having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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