based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize