her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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