Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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