So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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