my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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