Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
