Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
