The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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