im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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