so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
