You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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