so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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