The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and she was petting her beer can
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
