just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
