She said her name was "party"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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