4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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