Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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