pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
