It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
