Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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