he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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