Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
