just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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