You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
