Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
