What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
