i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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