You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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