my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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