dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
