He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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