ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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