my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
