I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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