i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im part way to drunk.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I did not marry a roomba.
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