now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
