it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
