so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
