Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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