Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
