So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
