Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
