Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
