i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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