it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
