It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
