Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How does one acquire holy water?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
