I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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