dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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