I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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