Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
