Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
