I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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