my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
