I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
