i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
