My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
