Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
