dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
