Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
