I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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