I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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