Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
