A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
