Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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